I want to escape my narcissist--what happens now?

I imagine one of two things has occurred in your life:

1. Your narc rejected you, broke up with you, or otherwise caused a rift; or 
2. You yourself have reached a crisis point where you can't take it anymore.

Regardless of which of these is the impetus for your wanting to make a change--and it can be a combination of both--odds are that what happens next will be the same. You will second guess yourself. Severely and repeatedly. Doubt, confusion, fear and guilt will well up in you. And while this is happening, one or more of these other forces could come into play:

1. The narcissist will say/do things to either make you feel guilty or woo you back.
2. Other family members, friends, or involved third parties will urge a reconciliation.
3. Practical considerations will arise to make a change seem daunting or even impossible.

All this can make the idea of truly removing this toxic person from your life seem like a roadblock as large as Mount Everest. But YOU CAN DO IT. You are not alone, there is help. And part of that help is me. I will break down this immense task into smaller, more manageable pieces, and advise you in every way I can of the tools and approaches you can employ to make it easier.

The first place to begin is with yourself. Because whatever other people are telling you, the ultimate authority on your life is YOU. Those others don't have the firsthand knowledge of what you've been through. They don't know you or your abuser the way you do. They probably have no understanding of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or how it works. Why should you heed the advice of people who aren't experts, nor are they fully informed? Meanwhile, you can be certain of your own motives: you want to be able to have the happiness that is your right as a decent human being. But other people (especially your narc) have their own agendas; even if they love you, they are also thinking of themselves.

You, like any other human, deserve the freedom to determine your own fate and pursue happiness. No one has the right to tell you to allow yourself to be abused. It is never a good thing for any member of society to be victimized--society at large always suffers when abuse is tolerated. The right thing in this case, in your case, is for the abuser to be stripped of his power, and the victim supported and given the tools to heal.

So take the time and make the effort today to recognize that you have worth, your happiness matters, and you don't have to take it anymore. Embrace these ideas now and over and over again through your doubts. Recognize this will take work but commit yourself to not turning back. And change your focus from being on others to being on yourself for awhile, for you will need to nurture yourself in many ways to get through this life change.

In the posts to come, I will work through piece by piece the tasks ahead, the pitfalls to conquer, and the tools to help you make your way. In the meantime, keep your eyes on the goal: finding piece of mind, love, joy, self-confidence, and all the other benefit that come from getting free of a narcissist.