As hard as it is--and I know from experience how hard--there are things you can do to make life a little bit easier on you. Here are a few suggestions that may be helpful in your situation:
1. Pick your battles.
As usual, the narc will demand you comply with his desires in all things. But now that you know the score and understand what he has been doing to you, you no longer feel like cowtowing to his every whim. There are issues where you should take a stand--when what he asks causes you a great deal of pain--and there are issue where complying is merely a slight inconvenience. Don't force issues that aren't important and try to minimize the conflict when you can.
2. Subtly encourage him to seek supply elsewhere.
When you were a young child (in the case of an N-parent) or first in love (in the case of an N-mate/spouse), you were trained into the role of supporting your narcissist emotionally. You were taught to give attention, care, praise, etc. Maybe this made you feel needed and important...or maybe you were afraid not to provide these things to the narc. Either way, you were an eager and cooperative source of his narcissistic supply.
If you can find any way to do so, pull back on your attentiveness. Don't offer anything that isn't strictly demanded of you. Meanwhile, if you see your narc getting supply elsewhere, encourage that and don't prevent it. If you're fortunate, you may be able to shift yourself out of his main field of attention and have a bit more freedom.
[Sidebar: I am highly uncomfortable recommending you encourage your narc's abuse of some other poor individual. This is something to employ as a last resort for your own survival, until you are able to escape the narcissist altogether.]
3. As much as you are able, turn your focus from the narcissist to positive things.
It's commonplace for narcissist victims to think about their narcs constantly. We become hypervigilant, watching frantically for the next crisis to occur, imagining in advance what it might be. We ponder the injustices, nurse our wounds, inwardly lament our lot. We focus on our fear, our anger, our shame. All these emotional responses are perfectly normal and natural. To a certain extent they are even necessary survival mechanisms.
The problem is if we dwell too much on these things, they will slowly destroy us. Misery, fear, anxiety and other negative emotions evoke destructive brain chemicals and trigger physical problems all over the body. Sickness, depression, and all manner of badness follows.
You need some happiness to survive, and that means learning to enjoy the good things in life even while you endure the bad. You need to resist the temptation to "run scenarios" of future disasters, and learn to trust that if the bad comes, you can deal with it just as effectively by instinct in the moment than if you had rehearsed ahead for hours in your imagination. You need to turn from focusing solely on the narc's demands and think about yourself, your needs, and the things you do that satisfy them. You need to learn to fully experience and appreciate the good times in your life: time spent on a hobby, a lunch with a friend, a game with your kids, even just a pretty sunrise, a tasty cookie, a smile from a clerk at the supermarket.
Meanwhile, I also encourage you to consider the possibility of meditation. This practice can work beautifully hand-in-hand with mindfulness to reduce stress and its negative effects on the mind and body. Even ten minutes a day can be absolutely transformative for those who feel their lives are out of control and that they are at the mercy of their emotions.
4. Continue your research.
Keep reading online or in books about narcissists and what it's like to be victimized by one. Knowledge is power, and the more you understand what is happening to you, the more in control you will be even if you cannot fully escape your narcissist.
5. Keep a journal.
A secret one of course! Expressing your thoughts about what is happening to you is a good way to vent, and can also help clarify issues and suggest solutions. I pooh-poohed this idea until I tried it myself, and it was a great help to me.
6. Make sure you have support.
I went completely alone in dealing with my narcissist ex-husband, except for relying on the love of my very young daughters. That was no way to live and it probably was a big factor in my staying with him as long as I did. Confide in a trusted friend or relative. Seek counseling. Talk to your pastor. For practical matters, consider having a lawyer involved as well.
You may learn that it's hard to find people who understand your situation, especially if they know your narcissist too and have been (as usually happens) bamboozled by his charms and outwardly attractive appearance. Make sure your support network includes someone who really gets it and believes you....this is essential. If you can't find anyone in your present acquaintance to fit the bill, find someone online. I heartily recommend the Narcissist group on SupportGroups.com, where I am involved at the time of this writing. There are many victims of narcissists posting there (you can read what they have to say anonymously without joining if you want), and the best thing they do is prove to fellow victims that they are not crazy, or bad, or messed up.
7. Strive towards the ultimate goal of no contact.
I pray you will find ways to alleviate the struggle of having to interact with your narcissist. Only a fellow victim truly understands how hard it is. I also encourage you to act toward the eventual total break from this terrible person, and keep that hope before you to sustain you. The sooner that day comes, the better--and I hope it will be soon!
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